My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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