he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
