Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
