do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is the high leading the old right now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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