"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
