I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
