I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
