Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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