I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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