I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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