I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
