god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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