bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
