now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Can Purell be used as lube?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
