I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
