where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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