This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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