Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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