You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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