i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
