I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
