he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
