if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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