Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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