When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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