I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He better not be in your backpack
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize