Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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