saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
