Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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