you have to choose: penises or morals?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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