Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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