Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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