ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
