how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
