Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
