a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
love makes seman taste better
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
