Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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