i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
