I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
