Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
