goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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