my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
