Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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