my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
