tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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