okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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