Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were trust falling into bushes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
