found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
