I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
