Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Boobs are out for the taking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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