hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
