don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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