I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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