i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Floor bacon is actually really good
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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