my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
