oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
