after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
