So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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