i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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