Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
