Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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