well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
