I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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