I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
