dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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