Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
