i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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