Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
