Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
