You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
