So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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