sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
